Normally I am pretty even keeled about things, but lately I have been having an incredibly hard time getting older and realizing there are things that I am never going to be able to do at the same level for one reason or another. Last night I watched a documentary on the skateboarding team the Bones Brigade, which I worshipped in my teens. It was a wonderful film and I highly recommend seeing it, but sadly it hit home in a way that I didn’t think it would, it made me sad and it made me feel old. I used to love to skateboard; I skated every day when I was in my teens, I loved the freedom of grabbing my board and heading out to ride it around town, meet up with friends and just enjoy the day.
Now I completely understand that you have to grow up, move on and be an adult. But I will be 42 this year and things like this are really starting to bother me. I miss my youth so much. I miss everything about it. It makes me sad to think that those things in my life are gone. Maybe I am being ridiculous but I can’t change the way I feel about certain things and sadly right or wrong this is one of the things that is starting to bug me. I am not sure what to do about it either, I know deep down I can’t really do anything about growing old. I don’t feel old, I feel good. But I am not stupid either. I can’t do things like I could when I was young. I can’t play with plastic army men for hours; I can’t skateboard for a whole summer and do nothing else. I can’t ask my parents for $20 that would last me for weeks. I have to work. I have to make a house payment. I know that I am blessed with a fantastic life. I have an awesome wife/best friend to follow me on the adventures we go on, I have an excellent job, we are healthy and happy and I know that, that should be enough.
But I still think about my youth and I miss it so.