Normally I am pretty even keeled about things, but lately I
have been having an incredibly hard time getting older and realizing there are
things that I am never going to be able to do at the same level for one reason
or another. Last night I watched a documentary on the skateboarding team the
Bones Brigade, which I worshipped in my teens. It was a wonderful film and I
highly recommend seeing it, but sadly it hit home in a way that I didn’t think
it would, it made me sad and it made me feel old. I used to love to skateboard;
I skated every day when I was in my teens, I loved the freedom of grabbing my
board and heading out to ride it around town, meet up with friends and just
enjoy the day.
Now I completely understand that you have to grow up, move on
and be an adult. But I will be 42 this year and things like this are really
starting to bother me. I miss my youth so much. I miss everything about it. It
makes me sad to think that those things in my life are gone. Maybe I am being ridiculous
but I can’t change the way I feel about certain things and sadly right or wrong
this is one of the things that is starting to bug me. I am not sure what to do about it either, I
know deep down I can’t really do anything about growing old. I don’t feel old,
I feel good. But I am not stupid either. I can’t do things like I could when I
was young. I can’t play with plastic army men for hours; I can’t skateboard for
a whole summer and do nothing else. I can’t ask my parents for $20 that would
last me for weeks. I have to work. I have to make a house payment. I know that
I am blessed with a fantastic life. I have an awesome wife/best friend to
follow me on the adventures we go on, I have an excellent job, we are healthy
and happy and I know that, that should be enough.
But I still think about my
youth and I miss it so.
